I'm going to see Jamie today. A little nervous, a little excited. Such a precious talented woman. God saved her.

My GPA is a 2.77 now. I need to get A's in both these Summer classes. I still won't have a 3.0 for UCLA for the Spring. But hopefully with my Fall classes I will.

Sad for no reason.
Frustrated with my waistline.
Wanting to be good but sabotaging.
Wishing I didn't care.
Wanting love but just from him.
Wanting to kick him in the face.

Simple
Simple
Falling over
Blessing
Wishing
Hoping
Never
Dried blood
Screaming
Fists slam
Eyes Ache
Sweet Breathe
Sour.

After 21 years of breathing terribly, dozens upon dozens of sinus infections, and general discomfort, I CAN BREATHE.

This surgery was so worth it. Doctor took out an inch+ long dried blood clot out of my left nostril.

Awesomely GROSS.



NPH thinks it's awesome I can breathe too.



ps. I want Bazy to go see Brothers Bloom and review it.

I'd missed cardiogirl. Looking forward to a decent rehearsal for Pericles tonight. We've only just had a readthrough thus far.

Sort of bummed I can't cut my hair, but it will be more gratifying when I've got the weight off.

Period needs to come now. I hate waiting when it's due.

Got my glasses today. Cute. nerdy.


Brother's Bloom was AMAZING. Go see it. I haven't gotten that wrapped up in a film in ages.



Love,
Melanie

Pericles this summer.
Get to play a goddess.
Nose is healing slowly. I will be able to breathe like I never have before in about a week.
Lunch with Susan today. Discussing new monologues and picking headshots.

Bleeegh.

MALM Six Drawer Set 129
MALM Bed Frame 129
Noresund Mirror 20
Vanna Mirror 8
Lill pair of curtains 5
Flokati Rug (blue) 30
Metall Dutt Picture Holder 7
Susa Alarm Clock 6
Logga hanger with 3 knobs 5
Skimra Shade (blue) 9
Granat Cushion 4
Kajsa Trad Cushion Cover 6

I wonder if there is a time
Where we exist
Unhindered by social circumstances
Rejection
Or fear
Where we drink tea together
The lighting is always perfect
For pictures
And you are never without a sheepish smile.

I love when he lets me hold his hand.

I've worked with four guys in class and I decided to compare them.
Boy 1 is that best friend you go to coffee with. Extremely generous, a good listener, attentive, sweet.
Boy 2 is that hot guy in the mall. The one that if you play your cards right, flirt in just the right way, lead him on a little, you might score a date.
Boy 3 is that silent type you meet in speech and debate. The best debater, the most outrageous ideals and ideas. You will never understand him. But you will always respect him.
Boy 4 is my sparring partner. Aggressive, physically even with me. We spar together, knowing working together will benefit ourselves. We can focus on our own personal growth, knowing the other can take it.

Guess who I prefer?

Fissure's happen when you least expect them
Following along the "Path"
Designated by a former
Trod in fear of constant wrath

I'm going to NYC tomorrow.
SO EXCITED.

Carnegie went okay. Not great, but okay. NYU audition today. That's what I've got my little heart set on.

NYYYYYCCCC.

SO I'm auditioning for Carnegie Mellon today.

Shit.


Wish me something.

Sean.
Nellie.
Finally being ready to go.


Welcome 2009.

*clink*

I'm lying in my bathtub
Staring at sage ceiling
Hands cupped over breasts
That are smaller than my liking
But perfect to any boy who has touched them
And as the water licks me
I'm convinced
That if I scrub hard enough
With an off orange loofah
The dicontent will come off

So I did this solo show. About Empathy. And I'm on trial for it, and the prosecuting attorney is trying to sentence me to solitary confinement because Empathy is a Class A Misdemeanor. And how my relatioships with others are too harmful to myself. Exhibit A is Sean. :)

He came, he saw the show. He loved it. He told me he was near tears, and that he'd never had to come to terms with his feelings in that way before.

We hung out last night, and he ended up saying that in some other life, or if we'd met at another time in our lives, we probably would've worked out.

Finally. Finally some recognition that I wasn't a mistake.


Because for the longest time, I thought I was. He said it in other words, beating around the bush. But no, I wasn't. It was just him hiding again.