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Jun. 6th, 2010

Sometimes I want to flirt with other guys.
Sometimes I do.
But the second he kisses me, rubs his thumb in circles on my thigh. The second I see his smile.
There is no question.
To resign
To fall under the radar
And hide
Recognize your faults
And pray for forgiveness
Understanding
That it won't go back together
And that what comes now
Is the new normal
Knowing your feelings don't matter
And that they can't matter
Shouldn't matter
In a situation like this
To still love
Silently
Purely
Unconditionally
But know
At the base of it
That these conditions
Are death to blossom flowers
Small mammals
Faerie children
And what you could have together

May. 2nd, 2010

You tell me this
You tell me that you're scared
That you can't guarantee tomorrow
Or yesterday
You're fighting dragons I can't see
Big, frightening monsters
Ghosts
Whisps in wind that grab at your hair
And make you cringe

Feb. 23rd, 2010

"It's love that leaves, and breaks the seal of always thinking you would be real happy and healthy, strong and calm. Where does the good go?"

Jan. 25th, 2010

"I miss you in the sense that I would rather be with you, right next to you. But if we have to, I can live with this."
"Allow yourself to be skin hungry."

Nov. 3rd, 2009

I don't want to eat for weeks. I'm so confused inside.


I literally feel like I'm going to vomit. Like he's going to drop me. Because I still don't feel good enough. Like I'm just too much of a mess. Not pretty enough.

Or I'm going to suffocate him.

Make him go.



It's been too long. I don't know how to do this.



There's just a lot of wind
Outside my door
And it's so loud
It fills my brain with noise
It's not real
All the scary wind
All the scary whirling swirling tree debris
All the leaves that scratch your skin
Dry and cracked and yearning
And my clothes keep flying past me
The second I step outside
And I am cold
And bare
And lonely

Nov. 2nd, 2009

I feel like Sean is slowly ripping himself from me. But it's not just the strings being cut. Each is being dug from my skin, and I can feel every root I nurtured in him die.

I'm so scared. I don't want to lose him.
Iain for the win.
He gives me kisses on the cheek like my skin is made of porcelain.
I am so happy. What do I do with my nights? How do I spend my free hours? I sing. I dance. I play pretend. I forge friendships. Some forever. Some for the run. Doesn't matter.

I love to act.